The land where evolution stopped

I love animals. I can sit for hours outside waiting and watching to see what might wander through the yard. I'm from Michigan, and we have serious critters. We have little ones like squirrels and groundhogs and beavers. We have medium ones like coyotes and cougars and foxes. We have deer big enough to take out a Chevy Blazer then get back up and run off. (Just ask my brother-in-law about this. Last one he hit caused $4000 in damage to his full sized SUV and tossed a smile over its shoulder as it scampered off into the woods.) We have bear and elk. We've even got great big wild turkeys. How big, you ask? Well, I'm five foot tall, and they stand darn near as tall as I am. I love it! Everywhere I go, one of the first things I do is go looking to see what kind of wildlife I can find. I once saw a moose in Wyoming. A MOOSE in Wyoming! How perfect is that?!

I'm like super-excited when we get to Louisiana to see what kind of critters are living here. All the local men carry rifles in their trucks and talk about the hunting. This is good. (Not good that they all get drunk and shoot at animals. Good that there are animals to hunt!) Well, I've been in this state for three years now. Here is a list of the "wildlife" that one can expect to find:

Armadillos--often seen as roadkill. My initial excitement at seeing one died when I saw one...destroying my lawn.
Snakes--specifically the copper head and the diamond back. Often seen lying in wait in one's gardens because the freshly aerated soil is an ideal place to make a nest full 'o baby snakes.
Scorpions--often seen crawling out from underneath the rocks that somehow just seem to appear in one's yard.
Fire Ants--these are not often seen until AFTER they have attacked any exposed flesh and left one scarred with angry, pus-filled little blisters
Alligators--often seen crawling back into the swamp after devouring a beloved family pet
Lizards--often seen everywhere. They run and scurry and scamp over every available surface. That's okay, though, because they are cute and they eat...
Spiders--such as the black widow and the brown recluse. Often seen hiding in closets, shoes, blankets, beds, furniture, grass...
Cockroaches--often seen scurrying behind stoves, refrigerators, under beds, in pantries. And see them you will as they are enormous.

Anyone noticing a pattern here?

Now, technically there are deer here. Technically. As in, their genes may test positive as being deer genes, but my DOGS are bigger than these deer. And I hear people talking about hunting wild boars. I've never seen one or seen evidence of one, but this is not a terribly evolved animal, either. (Sorry, Pumba.) It's like the evolution fairy ran out of dust when she flew over Louisiana.

Which does explain a lot about the people....