What kind of bug is that?!

Let's play a little word association game. I'll give a word, and you say the first thing that pops into your mind. Ready?

Tree: house
Dog: cat
Black: white
Mole: cricket

What?! You didn't say cricket when I said mole?

So we have these little creatures down here. I'll admit it...I was a little freaked out the first time I saw one. And the second time. Actually, I'd run away if I saw one right now. Quite frankly, I think these things are freaks of nature. They simply shouldn't exist. What had to have sex to create these mutants, I don't want to know.

First off, they are just hideously ugly...ugly and wrong. If you picture a mole with its fat head and pointy nose and those weird digging hands and then think of a cricket with its wings and hind legs for jumping and hard crunchy shell on its back--and then think of them getting together under a full moon and the influence of tobasco and having a wild night of unnatural animal/insect sex, this is what their offspring would look like. I mean, they actually have claws for digging!

And maybe it's just because it is so very, very ugly, but the mole cricket has quite the attitude. Most bugs will walk or run away from people because they realize the power of the foot to step on and squash them. Not the mole cricket! Nope, this little mutant will run TOWARDS you and bite you for no apparant reason. They are kind of like that liquid metal robot from Terminator 2--you know, the one that kept on getting back up and running after Arnie even while he was being shot and having his arms and legs torn off and stuff? I once saw my friend whack and whack and whack the living HECK out of a mole cricket with her broom. She actually broke her broom in the process because she was hitting it so hard. When she finally stopped swinging, the stupid bug was still limping its way towards her just hoping to use that one remaining tooth to get a bite out of her.

Just one more reason to have the exterminator out every month. I will gladly pay $35 to keep things like these out of my yard. Heck, I'd pay ONE HUNDRED thirty-five dollars. (Just don't tell my exterminator that, ok?)